kiernan86

Mon, 25 Jun 2007 22:20:37 GMT

hello everyone. i hardly ever post, so feel special, as i'm hardly feeling that right now.

i am planning a move to chicago. i actually plan to move at the end of the month. there are several things that i need to accomplish before moving...

found a place?............ no
found a job?.............. no

so yeah. i'm not really worried. not in the slightest.

i don't know what day it is today, nor did i yesterday and well tomorrow, who knows. maybe i'll check out a calendar or something.

i've got wembley blogs working their way into fruition soon, and you can thank my two lovely brothers for helping me get started. i hope your noting the sarcasm that i'm so cleverly inserting here. my brother is home from iraq for a few days. yesterday my two brothers went to the baseball game together. today, they are off to the casino and then my nephew's baseball game. somewhere in there i think they called to invite me along, but that was after i had already started crying for being left out, yet again, and also after my mom called to remind them that they completely forgot to invite me along. so when they did call, i shot it straight to voicemail. and then they call my mom to let her know i didn't answer, and she pointedly tells them, "why would you expect her to answer her phone when you've not bothered to invite her along. i don't think she answered on purpose." at least someone isn't devoid of a brain in my family.

so yeah, that has freed up my afternoon to get those blogs started.

hello you

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 06:17:50 GMT

hello.

st. patricks day was interesting and bad all at the same time. for those of you who got a phone call, yeah that was funny wasn't it. i'm sorry about all the drunken yelling, but i did it to humor you. if you missed out, this is some bits of one convo:

me: happy st. patty's day!
person: erm hello.
me: (to my friends) i'm calling the homeland! i'm talking to st. pat, yeah uh huh, see he's in the middle of driving the snakes out... yes he likes potatoes. and no he will not make out with you. not even for 50 bucks.
me: (to the person on the other line) sorry my friends wanted to know who you were and yes i have been drinking.

to make the above conversation funny, down a couple beers/shots/cocktails. it's comic genius.

and then i went to work.

come see the softer side of..... kiernan?

Sat, 13 Jan 2007 04:06:50 GMT

how do you say goodbye to someone you love so much?
you don't.

Today my mom called me and informed me that my brother Glenn was leaving for Iraq in the evening. That's how fast they take you. Give you a month's notice, throw in some training, and then send you off into the unknown. I still don't know how I feel about this war we are in, and frankly thats not the issue here.Ii hate knowing that my brother is going to be sitting in a city that isn't safe. I hate knowing that if were to ever leave the building, he could die. I hate the next 36 hours, not knowing if he's made it there safely.

I should have called him when I got home from work. Should of, would of, could of, right? fact is I didn't want to. It's not that I didn't want to because I don't like him or I didn't care. It was the exact opposite. I couldn't bring myself to call him and break into tears over the phone with him. Instead I got an awkward message from him that will sit on my voicemail until he gets back.

He's surprisingly alright with this. My mom's surprisingly ok with this too. I think something is mentally wrong with both of them, although for my brother's sake, it's probably best that he's ok with it. I'd hate for him to be sitting there wanting to come home all the time, instead of being sharp minded and vigilant. My brother even said he knew at some point he was going to go, and that this is probably the best time. Lucky for us he's being stationed in arguably the safest place in Baghdad.

My brother is 38. He's a man. He went to the Naval Academy and graduated with his degree in Intelligence. He was going to be a spy. He spent a few years on an aircraft and then was stationed in places like Crete, England, Panama and Puerto Rico. When he was finished with his duty in the Navy, he worked for an Army contracting company and did surveillance work in Bosnia and Croatia, thwarting one of the biggest terrorist cells in recent history. When their contract let up, he came home and went to school at Southwest getting his Masters in the only Defense and Strategic Studies program in the country and also enrolled in the Naval Reserves. Now he works for Booz Allen Hamilton to monitor Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles. On the weekends he guardsthe Pentagon as part of his Naval Reserve duties. I should have seen this coming.

I come from a family of six kids (yes I'm Catholic). And out of all my brothers and sisters, Glenn is the only one I really have ever felt comfortable and close to. I'm just like him. Out of the six of us, Glenn and I look alike and act alike. He's the reason I have a scar underneath my chin. He's one of the reasons I got into music. When he's sitting still, he will start to rock back and forth. It used to make me dizzy watching him go back and forth. He's funny, sarcastic, obnoxious, annoying, and nice. Family get togethers are better because he's there. He's my drinking buddy. He doesn't look down at me, like my other siblings sometimes do. He and I can talk baseball. He's got the best laugh. He's one of the people I look up to and can honestly say I admire. He's proud of me. And while he's always lived away since college, I've never felt that far away from him.

I don't cry about anything, but yet somehow, everytime I think about him, I can't stop crying. I started up the other day when my mom said he had been to target practice and again today at work when my mom said he was leaving. I hate the fact that I'm pretty good at knowing how things will turn out before it happens. And thats what scares me the most. And I'm going to hate that fact every day for the entire year he's gone. With any luck, thats all he'll be gone for.

I don't want to say goodbye, because some part of me thinks I won't get to say hello again. Thats why I couldn't call him. And now I'm scared that I'm going to regret it.

so yeah this boy....

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 23:05:40 GMT

no offense guys, but sometimes i really hate your gender!

update on the guy problem.

Wed. we go out to our usual night at the pub. everyone is in tow, and we're all having a great time. after a few drinks, i've become a bit more touchy, but nothing anyone would notice. and he would reciprocate and stuff. it was nice. so after the bar we went back to his soon to be apartment with some friends and when i left he walked me out and of course we properly said goodbye and talked about getting together over the weekend and whatnot. i left.

Thurs: i pick him up to go to work, and he mentions he's going to the cardinals game and i tell him he sucks and that i'm utterly jealous. and he's like, well if my brother can't go, you can. and i'm like no no go with your brother. so we finish up work, i drop him off at home and thats it. i called him that night to see how the game went and we talked for a bit, he was wasted, and then he said he'd call me back. which he neglected to (but he was wasted) and i also passed out when i got home so had he called, i wouldn't have seen it til the am

Fri: i see him at work and give him a mockingly hard time about not calling me back, but he barely remembers talking to me in the first place. and i was like dont' worry about it, cuz it wasn't all that important to begin with. so i ask him what he's up to for the weekend and he says something about watching a football game with his grandpa, and i said, well we're all gonna hang out and stuff on sat night if you want to come. and he said he'd call me after the game is over. and i was like alright, see you later!

Sat: so i get off work, rush home to shower and change and do my hair and stuff, and head up to hang out with carrie and kenny from work. so we're hanging out and they start calling shaw to see what he's doing and he doesn't answer for them, then they tell me to call and i'm like nope. no calling. but they end up stealing my phone thinking he'll answer when i call, but he doesn't. and he doesn't answer for anyone including his friend bil, who wasn't even with us. so i don't think much of it. we end up going to the casino and i win almost 200 bucks. not a bad night after all.

Sun: I get a text from carrie asking if i've talked to shaw yet, and i'm like no. and she's like, he won't answer his phone still. and i was like, oh really? so i send a text asking if he was alright. harmless, you would think. but no response and i leave it at that.

Mon: No communication on either of our parts.

Tues: i go to pick up my paycheck and he's working, and we do some small talk and i say, hey we'll be at cicero's if you want to come hang out after work. and he's like alright. i don't notice a real change in his demeanor to me, but i wasn't looking for it either.

Wed: in the am, shaw and i work together, and i asked him if he was still planning on seeing muse with me the week after, and he said yeah. i later asked him if he was going to be up at the bar, (as usual) and he also said yeah. so i do the radio show and stuff and head up to the bar, and sure enough he doesn't show up. i called him right before i left for the bar, and he didnt' answer. and then i called him again to let him know we were leaving, but no answer again. apparently he told kenny that he wasn't going after all. whatever.

thurs: we don't really talk much at work, and i don't say anything about the night before. i didn't really speak much to him, but when he came by i was nice and cordial. when he left he ended up walking over to where i was and actually leaned over to say bye to me. ( i wonder if the ignoring thing worked)

fri: i was sort of pissed off cuz we had to cook together and he was avoiding me. i made a million pizzas while he sat and played cards with the manager, and never once checked up to see if i needed help. all the while i've got one of the counter girls (my friend carrie) helping me cuz he couldn't be bothered. pissed me right off and so i didn't say a word to him, and everyone was like, there is something going on between them, you can feel the tension. and when he left he booked it out of there, like he was pissed off.

sat: so i felt really bad about being mean to him, and i texted him to say i was sorry. of course i got no reply. but then again that was expected. oh and not to mention, i deleted his number out of my phone on thursday.

so now here i sit, i know i have to work with him in the am, and i think i'm going to again apologize and be like, dude, i get it you dont' like me. but can we at least be friends? i mean, this is rediculous. but apparently, even though me and shaw decided not to tell anyone at work, he told kenny stuff, and i ended up telling carrie. but kenny knows something that carrie doesn't know (about me and shaw) and well i've told carrie everything so either he's full of shit or he really does know something. i have yet to figure out which is the truth.

the magazine....

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 03:32:53 GMT

I found out recently that our magazine is going to a web only type of operation and that we won't be in print anymore. It sucks because my write up/review of Lollapalooza was to be featured in the next issue, and now that issue won't be in print. My first time getting published and it's not going to happen. I was unhappy about that, as i was really looking forward to reading something I wrote, and to be able to use it as part of my portfolio when trying to get a super awesome job in the music industry, but it actually works out for the better.

Now that we're focusing on the web site, my podcasts will actually have their own page on the site, and will actually be a selling feature of the webzine. This means that people will be coming to our site and one of the draws will be something i did! totally cool. plus they're also going to look into getting some liscencing for music and so i can use any music i want on the podcast and that we can host our radio show on the site as well. doing it all on the up and up. and if we're lucky, hopefully in the future we can do something like an online radio show, which would kick some serious ass.

so now our magazine is going to be strictly online and hopefully it can become better than pitchfork. my goal is to continue working with them and making it such a great website, that when i'm off to find a job at a new magazine/music label/radio station I'll be looked at as someone who has a varied background in the field and is familiar with several aspects of the industry. I want to be the candidate that has what they're looking for, plus so much more. I love the fact that my editors at the mag really trust me and my abilities and give me the chance to do things without knowing how it will turn out. I like the fact that they believe in me, as i don't want to let them down. I mean, my first concert review was Lollapalooza and my first interview was with Razorlight! not too bad for my first time.

the future is so bright i gotta wear shades :)

my weekend antics

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 01:46:58 GMT

ahh i'm using this. oh the horrors!

anyways, so this weekend i was supposed to be in England and hanging with all of you people and whatnot, but due to lack of funds and a new job, i had to cancel. i was trying to sell my reading ticket, but the bastards at see tickets were just that, bastards. but when one door closes another one opens and it was very much welcomed.

First, on Friday, I officially graduated from college. I should expect my degree to show up sometime next month in the mail. I definately cut it close, as school lost a bunch of my stuff. But it's sorted and i'm deffo done.

Saturday, I went out with Shaw. we ended up kissing. i'll tell you the story later. but it's a good one, full of details ok?!?!!

Sunday, I noticed that my jeans were getting a bit loose, so i decided to weigh myself. Well, I apparently lost 15 pounds and dropped 1 pant size. So i decided to treat myself and bought some new jeans. I'm quite happy about that.

So how cool is that? I had a decent weekend afterall. Not too shabby i would say.